


Speechless

by orphan_account



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Anal Sex, Bonding, First Time, M/M, Sexual Content, Sexual Frustration
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-21
Updated: 2013-10-21
Packaged: 2017-12-30 02:28:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,215
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1012964
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Spock drives Kirk crazy and then plays hard to get.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Speechless

**Author's Note:**

> It's my first time ever writing anything like this, so be nice but be critical (if you want to be anything at all). This just evolved from an idea that I couldn't get out of my head; enjoy!

~*~

 

Kirk felt a ounce of pressure on his thigh. He ignored it and continued to listen to the board meeting he had convened to discuss some of the new ideas Scotty was having about increasing the efficiency of the engines. Chekov was helping out with the presentation, and Kirk was glad Scotty had given him the little job because he looked like he'd just gotten an early Christmas present. Kirk nodded along with everyone else. His thigh tickled - there it was again, the same feeling.  
  
He wondered if someone's piece of clothing could have draped over his leg accidentally, but why would anyone be carrying clothing around?  
The pressure moved slightly and Kirk felt a twinge of nervousness as he realised what it _could_ be.  
  
Slowly and discreetly, he tensed his thigh muscles under the table in the hope of getting rid of whatever it was. And then he realised. That was no piece of clothing; it radiated it's own warmth, it covered a strangely large amount of space and was not perturbed by his muscle tensing. It was a _hand_. And not just any hand, he thought with dread, there was only one person sitting to his left.  
  
He was reluctant to look at Spock just in case the Vulcan had mistaken Kirk's leg for his own or something. However stupid it sounded, Kirk didn't fancy dealing with an embarrassed Spock at the moment, so he left things as they were.  
  
If he'd been asked to pinpoint when exactly the rest of this whole messed up business started, he supposed it would have been then. That simple decision to go with the flow was probably the most idiotic thing he ever did.  
  
Because of course Spock would start to rub his thigh gently, and Kirk's mouth would hang open until Scotty asked if he was alright. "Fine... Mr Scott. Please continue." And the rubbing got higher, Kirk's mind racing ahead with sheer disbelief at what was happening. Could Spock- No. There must be something wrong with him, some Vulcan illness maybe?  
  
Anything except for the possibility that he _gets_ Kirk hasn't had anyone since the beginning of the five-year mission (which started three months ago) and that he _gets_ Kirk can't help but look at him longer than is strictly necessary sometimes.  
  
Whatever it was, Spock knew how to do it. As Kirk struggled to keep himself looking normal to the rest of the board attendees, Spock was apparently on a mission to make that as difficult as possible. Kirk's breathing started getting heavy when that unnaturally warm hand found the front of his trousers. God. No.  
  
He knew himself well enough to know that there was no way he was going to let this happen here. Was he? Long fingers stroked him through the front of his trousers and he took the plunge, twisting his head and boring his eyes into that infuriating Vulcan head.  
  
The hand left him immediately. Spock's face was frustratingly blank, as if he hadn't been palming Kirk through his trousers a few seconds ago. What a twisted asshole. There would be some stern words after this meeting for sure.  
  
When he turned back to Scotty's presentation, he tried to catch up on what he'd missed whilst distracted. Spock contributed something, sounding as normal as ever and Kirk cursed internally. There's no way he could have imagined that, no matter how weird it was.  
  
When the meeting was over, he walked out briskly with Spock at his side as always and he seriously started to question his own sanity. "Spock..." He started, cautiously. They had stopped in a deserted side corridor; maybe Spock would just come clean about it. "So what was all that about?"  
  
Spock cocked his head slightly, the way he did. "Captain, if you are having issues with the specifics of Mr Scott's new plans in engineering, I suggest you talk with him."  
  
Kirk stared at him. Was he just going to ignore the half handjob he just gave out? "No, I mean the other thing."  
  
"Captain?"  
  
So that's how it was going to be. He plays dumb and Kirk just has to accept it - what kind of game was he playing? Was it some kind of practical joke where everyone was in on it but him? Or did Spock know he liked him and was mocking him for it.  
  
None of the ideas seemed to fit, but neither did it seem like he was gonna get anything out of that tight-lipped Vulcan either. "Never mind. You're dismissed, Mr Spock."  
  
Kirk watched his rod-straight, retreating figure and his eyes came to rest on the hands clasped together at his back. Kirk didn't want to admit that he'd found that half handjob hotter than anything anyone had done for him before, but he had. And the fucker hadn't even gotten him off.  
  
Kirk walked back to his quarters disappointedly. Somewhere in the back of his head, he'd hoped Spock actually wanted him. That he wouldn't have to start believing it had been some elaborate hallucination brought on by blue balls and attractive first officers.

  
  
~*~

  
  
Kirk woke up only slightly at risk of drowning in his own sweat, because wouldn't that be a great way to go.  
His head was filled with those goddamn Vulcan hands and the way they felt and what they could do...  
  
Rushing to the bathroom, he didn't even strip off his pants before standing beneath the harsh torrent of cold water. It physically hurt, but if that was the price he had to pay to keep his stupid head in check, so be it. Having sexual fantasies about any member of his crew was inappropriate, unprofessional and downright despicable when he was breaking a friend's trust.  
  
He finally disrobed and sat on the floor of the shower, letting the water rain down on him until his body was shivering. He didn't even know if Spock liked guys... Obviously there was that whole thing with Uhura, but that had ended a while ago. Kirk thought it was only logical to assume that Spock was into the ladies, admittedly, just as he was. And how would Spock know he was into guys as well? He didn't publish the fact like he tended to do with women. Women were fun to flirt with, to chase. Men... Well, men were just different that's all. He needed something deeper.  
Kirk's shoulders had gone numb. Bones'd punch him into next week if he gave himself hypothermia by sulking, so he climbed out with stiff limbs and dried himself off.  
  
His shift was starting soon so Kirk dressed and marched to the bridge. After an introduction from Chekov, he went over to talk to Spock.  
  
Hoping to catch him off-guard with his proximity, Kirk came up behind him and leant forward. "How's it going, Spock?"  
  
The Vulcan tipped his head to look up at him and caught Kirk's chin. Now Kirk was the one feeling ironically too close for comfort. "Captain, the temperature of your skin is significantly lower than usual."  
  
Spock's brows had pulled together in a way that looked suspiciously close to concern. Kirk's eyes flitted down evasively and he rubbed his hands together. "Oh, yeah. Don't worry about it..."  
  
"Would you like me to warm you up?"  
  
"Wha-" Did he just hear that? He looked back up at Spock whose expression was frustratingly impenetrable. "What did you just say?" He said in a hushed whisper.  
  
Spock frowned slightly. "Mr Sulu is requesting your presence at the helm, Captain."  
  
Kirk spun around and started walking away as if he'd switched to autopilot. Okay, so he didn't actually *see* Spock say it. But he'd heard him, he was sure he had. Except he knew that voice so well - didn't it make sense that he could be imagining it? His mind attempting to give him what he wanted. God, he hated this. He needed to get himself under control before he lost his friend forever. He looked back at Spock who was watching him with eyes dark and intense. Kirk shied away from that gaze and put a hand on Sulu's shoulder.  
  
"So, what's the problem?"

  
~*~

  
Here he was, hiding out in engineering because it was chess night and he wasn't sure he could deal with Spock one-to-one, and in close proximity. It just so happened that he'd had a rather unsatisfactory time on the bridge, and if he pictured that good-for-something Vulcan ass one more time he might actually volunteer for one of Bones' sedatives.  
Kirk tried to look as if he was actually in engineering for a reason as a few people walked past. He sighed heavily. He should have just commed Spock to let him know he couldn't do it tonight... For some reason, he was unable to. Kirk didn't want to tell him not to come, but he didn't want him come either. Why did he get himself into these situations?  
  
There was a noise to his right, and his favourite person stepped into view. After the initial shock that he'd been found and the bad attempt at looking casual, Kirk noticed a distinct difference within his friend. His head was lowered while he looked up through long lashes. Kirk should've cracked a joke, he should've said... something, anything. However, there was a predatory, determined feeling to Spock, and he didn't know whether to be frightened or aroused. He ended up managing both.  
  
Spock stalked towards him like a hungry tiger. Crazy, but it was the only way to describe it. Kirk retreated out of instinct and ended up hitting a piece of machinery with his back. It was hard and metal and he was considering drawing out his communicator. His hand rested on it lightly as the Vulcan drew closer. If he fancied another 'emotionally compromised' brawl because Kirk had missed chess night, then he wasn't going to get it.  
  
Kirk stopped breathing when their chests touched. Spock's face hovered in the space between his neck and his shoulder. He was breathing against him, soft puffs of air tickling Kirk's skin. Spock's nose pressed into the sensitive spot behind and beneath Kirk's ear. Kirk let out a shaky breath.  
  
Was this happening? Was it real? Could he even tell the difference any more?  
  
Spock's mouth brushed his ear lobe and then enveloped the soft skin with his lips. The Vulcan's mouth was so *hot*. Kirk was pushing himself almost painfully into the metal behind him. Spock was sucking his ear lobe in a way that was surely illegal. And on multiple planets.  
  
Spock's hands were at his sides, completely still, but Kirk couldn't help touching something. His palms tentatively rested on Spock's stomach. It felt far too good - when did Spock start working out? It's be a bit unfair if Vulcans were just biologically graced with perfectly toned bodies or something.  
  
Spock's tongue began to trace the length of Kirk's jaw and he was getting too excited and there needed to be an intervention right about now- Spock's mouth dipped to his neck, sucking and nipping like he'd been trained in it, for fuck's sake. But Kirk couldn't deny how good it felt - good enough that he couldn't physically pull away. Even though he *knew* how much he should not be reacting to this because there was some nagging reason in the recesses of his mind that was reminding him it was wrong.  
Was it? Why?  
  
He gasped, and was a little embarrassed the sound had come from him. Spock pulled away and stared deep into his eyes - it didn't look much like Spock in there, the raw emotion was foreign and exotic and Kirk wanted more, more than this, much much more.  
  
"Come on," he said, fisting his hands in the top of Spock's blue shirt. "Come on..."  
  
Spock didn't kiss him on the mouth like Kirk wanted him too. He pressed their cheeks together and leaned closer, his warm hands finding the bone of Kirk's hips. Kirk couldn't stop his natural reaction to Spock's touch. He was getting very hard very quickly and all he could think about was those perfect lips and those clever clever hands on him everywhere- Spock sucked a long kiss into his jugular and Kirk grabbed his ass to pull him closer, closer than ever. His erection found excruciating friction as he rutted quite shamelessly against the crotch of his counterpart.  
  
He hated it. He fucking loved it. _Spock._  
  
"You." Kirk breathed into Spock's ear. The Vulcan's hand found the clasp and zip of his trousers. "Oh, fuck, oh god." Kirk had no thought for anyone hearing him; his universe had zeroed down to that fucking hand and the fact that it was sliding down the front of his trousers... The evidence of his arousal strained against the fabric of his boxer briefs and oh god, Spock, it felt so so good.  
  
He had waited for this his whole life - at least, it felt that way. Reverberating pleasure fell in small fluttering waves down his legs and floated in his stomach like butterflies. Spock's face was heaven to look at, all sharp and serious aside from his slightly open mouth and wet, greenish lips. Who would've known?  
  
Spock palmed him through the thin fabric and Kirk thrust into his hand. This wasn't how things usually went with him, but he didn't care. Just as long as he could have Spock, he'd take it however it came.  
  
"Ohh-" Kirk leant up to devour those amazing lips when Spock licked them slowly, however the Vulcan avoided it, planting a small, contrastingly delicate kiss on his chin. Kirk wasn't going to give up that easily.  
He tried again, and this time Spock had to lean back and duck under Kirk's jaw to escape it. Spock's other hand tugged at the  neck of Kirk's undershirt as he kissed the skin beneath it.  
  
Kirk was suddenly very aware of the clothes hugging his body. Another long stroke from Spock. "Yes," he hissed, hoping Spock would get on with it. Then he grabbed the hem of his shirt to pull off his yellow command layer, tossing it to the ground before tugging off the other.  
  
Spock licked a small trail down his chest instantly. Though his hand left Kirk's throbbing erection, he was exploring every plane of his chest and back and that was hot enough to make up for it.  
  
"Spock..." He murmured affectionately. "Kiss me," because maybe asking was the best way to go.  
  
Spock responded by surrounding one of Kirk's nipples with his lips. Fair enough, he thought.  
  
Then Spock pulled open his boxer briefs and watched as Kirk's excitement sprung out to greet him. All he could think about was Spock's mouth stretched around it, taking him in... Desire shook through him as his thumb traced the curve of the Vulcan's ear. It took every ounce of his willpower for him not to start using his own hand down there. Spock's breaths tickled the sensitive skin as he knelt before him. "Yeah, oh, yeah..."  
  
With Spock's fingers on his hips, Kirk readied himself for the brilliance. His eyes shut, he could almost feel it already...  
  
Suddenly Spock was gone, his clothes were thrown back at him, and he covered himself as he realised someone was coming.  
  
"Commander?" The outside voice was strange and unwanted. "Captain!"  
  
Spock's voice now, as a strong arm wound it's way round his waist. "The Captain is unwell, I am escorting him to the medical bay."  
  
Kirk doubled over a bit for effect, the clothing in his hand hiding his still pulsing erection.  
  
"Would you like assistance?" The crew member asked.  
  
"That will not be needed. Thank you, Ensign." Jim choked out.  
  
The footsteps retreated and Spock released him to stand alone. The moment may have been gone but Kirk's libido sure didn't feel that way. "I will see you on the bridge, Captain. Goodnight."  
  
And that, he supposed, was that.

  
~*~

  
If he'd been suffering from blue balls before, it had been nothing compared to now. Three days had passed since the 'engineering incident' and he was no closer to figuring out what the hell his First Officer was up to than he had been beforehand.  
He'd tended to himself on five separate accounts in that time frame and had only succeeded in making the aching feeling much much worse.  
  
He hated Spock. That pretentious, pointy-eared, frustrating tease. He also wondered when insults had started to become endearments.  
  
He caught Spock on his way back to his quarters, ready to demand something - hopefully a explanation and some make-up sex, though both seemed equally unlikely.  
  
"Spock, look, we have to talk." Kirk went in with a direct hit and the assumption he'd be less likely to back down that way.  
  
The Vulcan nodded once and the door to his room slid open. They both stepped in and Spock stood waiting for him to continue.  
  
It was hot in Spock's room and he tried to focus on not starting to sweat everywhere. "Alright, good. So, I just wanted to- Well, I thought it would be best if we addressed the, uh- The incident down in- You know." He stuttered out like an invalid. What a way to present himself. There's no way Spock'll be able to resist him now.  
  
"Captain, your stilted speech indicates anxiety. I would presume the incident you are referring to was the incomplete act of fellation that took place on the engineering level approximately sixty-eight hours ago."  
  
Kirk's mouth was left gaping at his words. The first thought to pop into his head was a reluctance to accept that Spock had said the word fellation with a completely straight face.  
  
"What is it you would like to discuss?"  
  
Kirk was utterly lost for words. Here he was, with the conversation he wanted, the man he wanted and he was opening and shutting his mouth like a fish.  
  
"Captain, are you unwell?"  
  
"Yes. No. I, uh- I don't know." Yes, he did know. Or, he'd known before he came in. It was strange how blank a mind could go when faced with Spock, the universe and everything.  
  
"You are exhibiting signs of distress. Is there something I can do to assist you?"  
  
"Yes." Kirk whispered, because that was all he could rasp out, and he prayed to deities he didn't believe in that Spock would understand.  
  
"Relax..." Spock said, much more quietly when he stepped towards Kirk. Hands rested on the sides of his arms and Kirk relished in the comfort of having him near again. Then Spock leaned in to place a small kiss on his neck. Kirk saw the hypospray before Spock pressed it into the exact spot he'd kissed. He didn't know how or why he'd felt quite helpless to stop it.  
  
Spock lowered him to the floor gently, and commed Doctor McCoy. Then he spoke reassuring words into his ear while they waited for the Doctor to arrive. Kirk never could remember what he said, and he was completely out before Bones had even gotten there. Obviously Spock knew something he didn't. His head spun nauseatingly. When had simple communication between two grown men become so complicated?

  
~*~

  
"Hey, kid. How're ya feeling?" Came a gruff voice at his bedside.  
  
"Like I've been attacked with a hypo." Kirk ground out as he opened his eyes and stroked his neck.  
  
"Normal, then? Good."  
  
Kirk gave him a stern look but the Doctor just rolled his eyes. "Spock said you hadn't been sleeping or eating properly."  
  
Kirk frowned, and reached up to run his hands over his face. "How the hell would he know?"  
  
"The guy keeps tabs on you, man. And I'm glad he did, because I'm not your mother and I can't run after you all the time. Now, before you say anything else, you're gonna tell me what's wrong."  
  
Kirk groaned internally. He was not sharing his longing for a certain crew member with anyone. His raging libido on the other hand...  
  
"It's nothing, Bones. I just need something for, uh, concupiscence."  
  
He saw the smirk that threatened to transform the Doctor's face. "Aha. Well, Jim..." He looked to see if there was anyone nearby. "To be honest, I'd recommend you get yourself laid. But considering where we are and who you are... There aren't many people on this ship that could have a technically sanctioned relationship with you."  
  
Kirk squeezed his eyes shut in frustration; Captains, beware the curse of a high sex drive.  
  
"There are some herbs that could help... But with your allergies, you might not want to risk them."  
  
Kirk looked up and Bones' face was understanding. "I think you may just have to book a few dates with your right hand until we make port."  
  
"Yeah. Like I haven't tried that already."  
  
Bones tapped out a few commands on his PADD. "Well, given his rank an' all, you could always trying wooing the hobgoblin into bed with ya."  
  
Kirk froze at his words but Bones was grinning at him in that way that made him realise the Doctor was making a never-gonna-happen type of joke. If only he knew how painfully close to the truth he was. He looked back at his PADD.  
  
"God, Jim, you've got enough testosterone to share between a few other guys."  
  
"You're telling me."

  
~*~

  
Spock was avoiding him. That much Kirk was sure of. He was more laconic than he'd ever been whenever they were on shift together and Kirk hardly saw or heard a whisper of him when they weren't. Of course, it didn't seem drastic to anyone who wasn't familiar with Spock's little quirks, but he was sharp and strange without them. Not to mention, Kirk knew the rest of the crew had noticed their terse interactions. And the worst part was that they seemed to think it was all _his_ fault. Sulu and Chekov gave him accusatory looks whenever he attempted to press Spock into the slightest hint of a conversation. Uhura had asked him twice now if he was feeling 'alright' and he was surprised Bones hadn't jumped out at him yet and demanded to know what was going on.  
  
Turns out he'd spoken too soon. Bones rounded the corner as Kirk headed to the mess hall. He was still wearing his short-sleeved medical shirt, though thankfully not brandishing a hypo. "Jim, what the hell is going on? I've been getting reports all week that you're acting weird. Someone asked me if you'd had a death in the family. And don't ask me who; they're anonymous. Just answer the question."  
  
Kirk didn't know what answer to give, and he was getting sick of that feeling really quickly. "It's complicated, Bones."  
  
"It better be, 'cause I'm not missing lunch over you being a sulky princess." He sighed dramatically. "Come on."  
  
Kirk followed him back to his quarters where he poured them both a small glass of bourbon whiskey and Kirk downed it in one.  
  
"Something's got you wound up tight." Bones observed with a sympathetic brow.  
  
They sat next to each other on the edge of Bones's bed and Kirk was treated to a wave of déjà vu from their time at the academy. He'd feel bad about so often treating the Doctor as an agony aunt if he hadn't spent a good couple of hours of his life listening to Bones' own drunken ramblings at two in the morning. It was fair to say Kirk knew much more about the Doctor's previous marriage than he'd ever needed or wanted to, but he'd let his ear be talked right off if it made Bones feel better, and Kirk knew Bones'd do the same for him.  
  
"It's about Spock." He started. It was, and there was no point dancing around it.  
  
If Bones was surprised in any way, he didn't show it. He just sipped a bit of his drink and waited for Kirk to continue in his own time.  
  
"I think he's avoiding me- Well, I know he's avoiding me." Kirk thought for a moment. Somehow he knew he wasn't thinking with his dick anymore. Spock was company. He understood things that Kirk couldn't put into words, and he knew when sympathetic wishes only made things worse. When he was with Spock, it was different from when he was with Bones. Not better or worse, just different. And he needed both as if they were weights and he was the scales between them. A careful dance they did that had been knocked off balance.  
  
Kirk ran a hand through his hair. "I miss him. That's it. I just miss him."  
  
The Doctor looked at him with a suspiciously knowing expression. "Funny, that's a lot like how the statue put it the other day."  
  
Kirk's eyes widened. "What?"  
  
"Yeah, I think it went something like, 'I have observed a notable decrease in motivation after prolonged distance from the Captain.'"  
  
"He told you that." Kirk's voice rang with disbelief.  
  
"Sure did."  
  
"Don't fuck with me, Bones."  
  
"Jim." He was sincere. "I wouldn't."  
  
Kirk was more confused than ever and there was only one Vulcan to blame for that. Besides, when did Spock start visiting the Doctor for counselling sessions?  
  
"Why would he- I mean, _he's_ the one avoiding _me_! What's he playing at? And why would he tell you? No offence."  
  
Bones shook his head. "None taken. I was pretty astonished myself. Obviously decided it was time for a 'session on the couch.' Don't worry, I didn't penalise him for it. But it was nice to know he does have a hint of feeling in there." The Doctor smiled, wryly. "If only for you."  
  
Kirk smiled back, though his head was spinning with the inability to comprehend what in the world was going on with him and Spock.  
  
"Corner him and talk to him." Bones said plainly.  
  
But the Doctor didn't know the half of the peculiar relationship that had sprung up between the Captain and his First Officer. Talk to him - Kirk wished it was as easy as that.

  
~*~

  
He was trying. He was trying as hard as he could now to give Spock some space in the hope that he'd take it as a peace offering and be more receptive to a talk. Or that Spock would miss _him_ and come running back. Unfortunately, Spock was as stubborn as ever and the only progress Kirk had made was sneaking glances at that annoyingly attractive face to find brown eyes already looking back at him.  
  
When Kirk finished his shift, he left Sulu with the conn and rushed to catch up with Spock who'd left as soon as he was able. Kirk caught him at a corner and fell into step as if nothing had changed between them. It was refreshing, but Spock didn't slow down. He didn't speed up either though, so that was something. A comfortable silence descended when Kirk realised they were heading to the science labs.  
  
Spock stopped short of the door when they arrived and faced Kirk with an unreadable expression. Their gazes met and Kirk thought he felt a flutter in his stomach that he didn't think he'd ever admit to _ever_. Spock nodded slowly before walking into the labs. Kirk stood there staring until a concerned yeoman hinted that he was in the way.  
  
He walked back to his quarters a little dazedly and settled onto his bed, staring at the ceiling though he knew he had some reports to be doing.  
  
Kirk was fast asleep when he heard the familiar sound of someone requesting entry to his quarters. He assumed it was Bones coming to check up on him. He rose to the door groggily and it slid open with a whoosh.  
  
Spock stood before him breathing heavily, arms fisted at his side instead of clasped neatly behind his back. Kirk opened his mouth to invite him in, but the words were slow to come.  
  
He stepped back to indicate the fact, and was relieved when Spock followed him in. "Captain..." He whispered. Kirk shivered at the strain in Spock's voice.  
  
Kirk couldn't stop himself from closing the distance between them. He wanted to be closer, nearer, and it seemed like they'd been so far apart for so long. He edged forward until their chests touched again, and then it got vivid and blurred and brilliant; although he couldn't tell who had initiated the sudden clash of mouths, he was glad that they did. Every thought he'd had about touching those godforsaken lips flew out the window. The reality was so much better because Spock was letting him _do_ this. He was the water to Kirk's dying man, and so it was all the more surprising when _Kirk_ was the one to break away from the kiss and pull Spock into a tight embrace. Spock's arms found their way around him and rested there lightly. That was frightening.  
  
Kirk buried his head in the crook of Spock's neck to hide his own embarrassment at how needy he was being. He spared a thought for how good the Vulcan smelt; like spices.  
  
"Spock." Kirk ground out, amazed that he felt the need to do this. But he did. "I don't want you to leave." His hands were shaking with adrenaline and anxiety as he considered what he'd said. What if he'd made some horrible mistake with all this while he'd been sulking over Spock's absence.  
  
"I do not intend to leave you." Came a deep resonating hum.  
  
Kirk took a breath before whispering into soft skin, "I'm finding it difficult to believe this is real."  
  
Spock moved him to arm's length and stared into his eyes. "I have been unable to figure out what you desire for quite some time."  
  
"I'm really not that complicated, Spock." Kirk said, attempting to disengage the Vulcan's grip from his shoulders. Spock's hands flitted away before he reached them. Kirk sent him a confused gaze because heaven forbid he'd committed some kind of Vulcan faux pas.  
  
Spock looked a little shifty. "I am unsure of your viewpoint in this situation. I do not want to pressure you into something that you perceive differently to myself."  
  
This communication thing was worse than Kirk thought. "I want you. Is that simple enough?"  
  
Spock sighed. "Human's, and yourself in particular, have a particular affinity for physical expression, and a gift for disconnecting your emotions so as not to feel a need for commitment afterwards. I apologise if my recent actions have been disconcerting. I have been... lost as to how to begin a relationship with you. I reasoned that by attracting your attention in a sexual manner, I could-" Spock hesitated, unsure, which was so unlike him. "I find myself feeling anxious to know whether you want this relationship to exist only within the parameters of physicality; something I am afraid I cannot allow, however tempting it may be." He finished quickly.  
  
Kirk just wanted to kiss the worry from him, but that may convey the wrong idea and he couldn't have that. He reached for Spock's hands again but Spock moved them away.  
  
"For god's sake, can't I hold your hands?"  
  
Spock frowned. "It would be more intimate than you assume." Kirk smiled then, a beam of a smile that induced a look of such vulnerability from Spock that he felt a little bad about it.  
  
He looked the Vulcan in the eyes to make sure Spock understood that he understood. Then he gradually moved his hands closer and closer, until they touched. It was an electric shock of a touch, and it echoed through him in more ways than one.  
  
Spock's breathing hitched, and those gorgeous brown eyes were wide with uncertainty. Kirk intertwined their fingers and at that point he was sure Spock had stopped breathing entirely.  
  
"It's okay." Kirk said, though it was more than okay.  
  
"Jim." Spock said, a breath of a word.  
  
Kirk loved the way that sounded; Spock's voice a higher pitch than usual, tinged with need. Kirk stroked Spock's knuckles with his thumbs as he stepped towards him. Their foreheads met and he was so close it was intoxicating. Kirk closed his eyes to gather himself and figure out where he was going with this.  
  
"I want it all." Kirk said, low and clear.  
  
Kirk opened his eyes and watched Spock blink in slow motion. He was fucking beautiful with those eyes and his hands like fire, and the shadows that fell across his shoulders to cover such a perfectly lean physique. Kirk wanted to take him apart, to show exactly what he felt, to explore every inch of his flawless skin until he blushed green.  
  
"Jim," Spock said again, "your thoughts are-"  
  
Kirk started, leaning back. "My thoughts? You can read my... You- Oh."  
  
Touch telepathy, of course, Kirk was all over him. Still. Privacy.  
Attempting to hide his embarrassment at having his fantasies laid out on a silver platter, he started a rushed apology.  
  
"I'm sorry, I, er, didn't mean for you to- I mean, if I offended you..."  
  
Spock's lips quirked in the Vulcan equivalent of a grin. He planted a chaste kiss on Kirk's nose, which was new, and spoke. "On the contrary, I find you incredibly... stimulating."  
  
Kirk had to smile wryly at that one, and he saw his own relieved amusement reflected in Spock's eyes. Kirk kissed his cheek and pressed their faces together, his hands moving to rest on the Vulcan's waist.  
  
"You're so hot." He purred into that pointed ear, and felt a shudder ripple through his counterpart. "So hot." And he was.  
  
Scorching hands found his hair, running through it and stroking at the nape, while their lips met with feverish desperation. Kirk's hands tugged the front of Spock's trousers, relishing the sounds of the restrained pants against his shoulder.  
  
"I've wanted you for so long." Kirk murmured into Spock's hair. Spock wrapped long fingers around Kirk's wrist and carefully directed his hand to the growing hardness at his crotch. Kirk let a small smile grace his features as he cupped Spock's precious jewels in his palm and rubbed gently. The keening sound that Spock made was enough to fry his brain circuits there and then.  
  
"Bed, please, bed." Kirk articulated.  
  
He removed his shirt and trousers as they shuffled and Spock got to work on toeing out of his boots.  
  
Kirk tumbled backwards onto the bed, watching Spock above him and swallowing at the brilliant sight. Kirk's knees unconsciously spread in his need to invite Spock near again, and if the Vulcan's package was anything to go by, he was pretty damn excited too.  
  
Spock crawled on top of him with the undefinable grace of a predatory cat and Kirk sucked a kiss into his neck before pulling his blue and black shirts over his head. His shoulders were perfect, as were the long planes of his chest expanding downwards under his dark smattering of hair.  
  
Kirk ran his hands over it unapologetically, then pulled Spock closer ... He wished a little that he had some of the surreal grace that Spock held in every facet of himself, and the surety.  
  
"Jim, you are beautiful." Spock declared sternly, and Kirk'd be crazy not to get a little ego boost from that.  
  
"Uh-huh?" He replied, attempting to look innocent in the hope that Spock would carry on.  
  
Every one of Spock's silken caresses melted into his skin like brands. Spock paused to slide his trousers down over his hips, then jettisoned them somewhere far away. "Affirmative," that deep voice confirmed. And slap him three times if that wasn't now the most surprising candidate for sexiest word.  
  
"How do you mean?" Kirk pushed, then tugged Spock down and sucked that amazingly long tongue into his mouth because he could. He was pretty damn sure that Spock was onto his little vanity trip but he needed to hear it. He genuinely wanted to know.  
  
Their legs were tangled together now in an arrangement that provided an awfully enticing amount of friction for both of them. Arms pulled and pushed as grunts of need disappeared within the blind sensuous wrestling.  
  
 _*Jim, you are akin to a universe of stars.*_  
  
It took Kirk a second to realise that the words had not come from Spock's mouth, as he was devouring that most impolitely - wet and sloppy with quick gasps of air. Kirk managed to think back.  
  
 _*Bit of an illogical metaphor there, Mr Spock.*_  
  
Then gave a breath of a chuckle, before plunging back into the magnificent cavern of Spock's mouth. Drowning there. Drowning in its perfection.  
  
 _*I require an illogical description for an illogical person.*_  
  
Kirk stopped moving then and felt Spock's lips lift from his still ones, before pressing back down softly. His brain buzzed unforgivingly as he struggled to comprehend his mental high. Eyes closed, he sensed the world around him and found that it had narrowed down to the mass above him and the steady movement of his chest.  
  
 _*It's oxytocin, Jim. I feel it too.*_  
  
"It's not oxytocin." Kirk whispered, dizzy as he stared up at Spock's eyes in the half-light. "It's you."  
  
Spock nuzzled his cheek and Kirk felt a hand stroke his neck soothingly. Spock's voice resonated through Kirk's spine to the base of his body. "What we are feeling is the release of endorphins. The hormone, phenylethylamine, is generally associated with the experience of 'falling in love'."  
  
"Nice, Spock, really nice. How can you even say a six-syllable word right now?"  
  
Spock's eyes crinkled at the edges. "I have slightly more experience controlling my emotional state." He shifted his lower half. "Physically, however, I believe you may be the superior party."  
  
Spock's hands found his chest and that mouth descended to his collarbone, licking a tingling trail that ended just above his heart. It was beating like it would never beat again. Spock nipped him quickly with his teeth, and he was right, Kirk should be the superior party right now - this was his thing, wasn't it?  
  
"Oh my god." Kirk ground out. "I swear, I'm not usually like this."  
  
"I am unsure what you are referring to." Spock whispered against his skin. Kirk shivered.  
  
"You know, all of this- this- God, this feeling. This feeling that I'm drowning. And at the same time, my stomach is filled with butterflies - it's like sixth grade all over again." Kirk tensed and grabbed hold of Spock's upper arms, rolling them over. He breathed heavily as he stared down at that open face. Dark brown eyes recorded everything.  
  
"I've never felt so close to a person before. Please tell me you understand." Kirk resisted choking on that last word as Spock looked up at him with fascination.  
  
 _*I understand.*_  
  
Fingers reached for his face and he let them come. Then Spock was a part of him and he was a part of Spock. One and the same, and floating in a universe of stars that started when they first laid eyes on each other and only intensified when they looked away.  
  
Kirk crashed back into reality when that Vulcan hand found his terrifically hard length. With a superhuman willpower, he stilled Spock's wrist. "I don't need this if you don't want it. Sex isn't what I want from you, okay? I want to keep you. With me. For an unspecified amount of time, that doesn't have to involve anything physical if you don't want it to."  
  
"That-"  
  
"I honestly fucking care about you, man."  
  
Spock's crazy muscle power demolished Kirk's hold on him and the stroking restarted; Kirk having only just realised that Spock had somehow retrieved and opened Kirk's own bottle of lubricant at some point.  
  
 _*I want this very much, Jim.*_  
  
Kirk felt Spock's thought, as well as the attachment and affection that came along with it. His eyes got a sharp sting - the kind that came before tears -  but then any further sounds were silenced with a kiss.  
  
Christ, he needed Spock inside him, and he needed it now. Jerking up into Spock's hand, he reasoned that he needed to calm down if he was going to last at all.  
  
 _*Fuck me. Now.*_  
  
No quicker had he sent the thought, Spock had grabbed Kirk's hips in an iron grip and positioned him further up his body. The preparation wasn't as unbearable as Kirk had expected, though he was now leaking in anticipation.  
  
Using his knees to rearrange himself over Spock's similarly glistening hardness, he then intertwined their fingers. Spock let out a gorgeously desperate sound and that was when Kirk came down.  
  
It was electrifying. No sooner had it begun, time had stopped. It was the mental and emotional equivalent of warp speed and they became more lost in each other with every thrust and pump of Spock's hand on him. Unbelievably, the Vulcan was managing to hit _that place_ again and again, and making these breathy little moans that Kirk knew he could probably orgasm over without any help from the rest. It was sensory overload; he was fifteen again where sex meant love and things only lasted a few minutes but they were insanely magical. Kirk hadn't felt that in a while. Apparently, he'd been missing out.  
  
Spock's fingers raked across his back, moist with the heat between them, and Kirk was reeling from the sheer amount of emotion he was giving out. Kirk kissed the half-pleading whispers from his lips before he could utter them. Not that it stopped him though, stubborn as he was, he just continued telepathically.  
  
 _*Please, Jim. T'hy'la, what do you need? What do you need?*_  
  
Their bodies slammed together.  
  
 _*Just keep going... Goddamn it, you're doing great, fuck, you're doing perfect.*_  
  
Kirk knew his release was coming and his thighs clamped round Spock's hips in preparation. He held Spock close to him when the Vulcan froze upon his own orgasm. Even so, the sensation as Spock shot out his entire load was enough to send Kirk completely over the edge. He came in a blind haze, only aware that arms were clinging tight and tangled around both their bodies.

  
~*~

  
Kirk remembered how much he really liked afterglow. Spock had been the first to recover, locating a cloth in Kirk's bathroom and cleaning them both off in record time, before returning to collapse next to him. Not usually being one for silence, Kirk placed a languid arm over Spock's chest.  
  
"Jesus Christ, that was brilliant. You know, if it's gonna be like that every time, I think I could survive on sex alone."  
  
Spock raised both eyebrows significantly, but Kirk noticed the almost imperceptible tinge of green on his cheeks. "That is most illogical, and likely brought on by heightened levels of norepinephrine."  
  
"So, not because you're an absolute sex god and I might just love you."  
  
"I suppose it is debatable."  
  
"That's what I thought, Commander, that's what I thought. And for the record, next time you're unsure how I'm feeling, just come over and ask about it. I can't have you pulling any more stunts like that; I don't think you realise the effect you have on unsuspecting Captains."  
  
Spock blushed furiously, got a kiss on the hand for his trouble and then they didn't need to talk at all.

  
~*~


End file.
